A reminder for Parents: Your Children Are Still Under Construction
Parenting is one of the most challenging and rewarding experiences in life.
It’s easy to get caught up in the daily grind and forget that our children are still under construction—they aren’t trying to ruin your day or get in your way. They need your guidance, love, and patience.
We often hold children to higher standards than we hold ourselves.
Think about it: we get frustrated when they can’t sleep and “bother us” with their frustration, expect them to always remember their manners, and punish them for having a grumpy day even after they apologize.
Can you imagine being punished for waking up feeling “blah” and snapping at those around you?
We often do that ourselves and receive empathy for our apologies.
But children?
They’re still learning, and instead of receiving empathy, they’re often punished “so they’ll learn.”
Children Are People Too
Children are little humans, still learning and deserving of respect.
They have feelings, thoughts, and struggles just like we do.
If we want them to grow into confident, kind, and empathetic adults, we need to stop and appreciate the incredible opportunity we have to shape their lives.
Here are a few ways to shift our perspective and appreciate our role as parents:
Shaming Them for Age-Appropriate Behaviors Like Tantrums and Impulsiveness
Scenario: You’re at the grocery store, and your toddler starts having a meltdown because they want candy. You feel the stares of other shoppers and the pressure to “control” your child.
Reflection: Tantrums are a normal part of a child’s development. They lack the words and emotional regulation skills to express their frustration. Instead of feeling embarrassed and reacting with anger, take a deep breath and kneel to your child’s level. Calmly explain why they can’t have the candy, and offer comfort. By showing understanding, you teach them that their feelings are valid and how to handle disappointment.
Minimizing Their Feelings
Scenario: Your child comes home from school upset because they had an argument with a friend. You’re busy with work and tell them, “It’s not a big deal, you’ll get over it.”
Reflection: Children’s social interactions are very important to them, and dismissing their feelings can make them feel unheard and undervalued. Take a moment to listen to their concerns. Acknowledge their feelings by saying, “I understand that you’re upset. Do you want to talk about what happened?” This validates their emotions and helps them feel supported.
Punishing Them for Being Human
Scenario: Your child accidentally spills their juice all over the table just as you’re about to sit down for dinner. Frustrated, you scold them and send them to their room.
Reflection: Accidents happen, and children are still developing their motor skills. Instead of punishing them for a mistake, use it as a teaching moment. Calmly help them clean up and explain how to be more careful next time. This approach fosters a sense of responsibility and teaches problem-solving skills without shaming them.
Treating Them Unkindly
Scenario: You’re exhausted after a long day, and your child is repeatedly asking for your attention. You snap and say, “Can’t you see I’m tired? Leave me alone!”
Reflection: It’s natural to feel overwhelmed, but responding with unkindness can hurt your child’s feelings. Take a moment to collect yourself and explain, “I’ve had a really long day and need a few minutes to relax. How about we play together after that?” This sets a boundary while still showing respect and consideration for your child’s needs.
Expecting Perfection When We Ourselves Make Mistakes
Scenario: Your child brings home a test with a few mistakes. You focus on what they got wrong and tell them they need to do better next time.
Reflection: We all make mistakes, and expecting perfection from children is unrealistic. Instead, acknowledge their efforts and the things they got right. Say, “You did a great job on this part! Let’s look at the mistakes together and see how we can improve.” This encourages a growth mindset and shows them that making mistakes is a natural part of learning.
A Moment of Reflection
Take a moment to reflect on the incredible opportunity you have to parent. Your children look up to you, learn from you, and depend on you for guidance.
By appreciating this role, you can create a positive and nurturing environment where your children can thrive.
Remember, children are people too. They’re human. Let’s love and cherish them for the flawed, beautiful individuals they are.
Embrace the journey of parenting with patience, empathy, and an open heart.
Your children are still under construction, and with your guidance, they will grow into the amazing adults you know they can be.
